


Don't Go

by MelonMass



Series: Over a Hundred Hurts [2]
Category: Xī yóu jì | Journey to the West - Wú Cheng'en
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, I made this AU just so I could write this fic, Low-Key Vent Fic, M/M, Prompt: Overdose, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 14:34:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19378672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelonMass/pseuds/MelonMass
Summary: He never should have left the apartment.





	Don't Go

**Author's Note:**

> I've always had this weird coping mechanism of writing dark stuff when I'm upset and in a dark place. So... yeah.

**_Trigger warning for suicide attempt and hospitals._ **

* * *

It was like a secret, Trip's mental health. Few knew of his mental illness, and even fewer knew how bad he could get. That's one of the perks of living together. Seeing each other at your worst. It was scary, how low he could get, but Sunny would _never_ want Trip to think he should hide his suffering from everyone. That wasn't the kind of mental state you should be alone in.

Everyone in their little group had problems. Serious issues that needed to be dealt with. Things they all were aware of but simply decided not to talk about. They all still had there secrets from each other. All five of them used to share this apartment. Sure, sleeping arrangements were awkward at first, but it was the cheapest way to get such a nice place. It's not a huge place, but now it feels somewhat spacious with just two of them living there.

They all still hang out, though. In fact, Sunny was about to go hang out with them. The original plan was to bring Trip, too, but... "Are you doing okay?"

"Just feeling a little sick today, is all," Trip explains. "Probably just a cold. I can handle it."

"Are you sure?" Sunny reaches to feel his forehead for a fever, but his boyfriend meekly bats the hand away. "I could stay. I'm sure the guys wouldn't mind coming here-"

"No! No. It's just a cold. I can handle that fine. Just... go out and have fun."

He wants to stay. He wants to look after him and hold him until everything feels better. But Trip has this desperate look, one that says "I really need some alone time _please._ " Sunny sighs. "Alright. I'll let the guys know you said hi."

Trip doesn't smile at all, which almost made him all together cancel plans with the guys. "Thank you."

"It's not a problem." Sunny gives him a pat on the shoulder he a kiss on the forehead before he leaves. This all just makes him uneasy, like something bad is going to happen. Maybe it was just protective paranoia, left over from a past lifetime full of danger for such a loved one. Could really be nothing to worry so much about. "I think there's some cold medicine in the bathroom cabinet, though I'm not sure it's still safe to use."

He meets up with the guys at a coffee shop a few blocks away. Sandy used to work there back in the day. The swimmer is the first to notice him walking up. "Trip didn't come?"

"He has a cold, it seems."

"This isn't exactly the kind of weather for that, is it?"

It's... not. To catch a cold in weather like this would be near impossible. Maybe his room was too cold? No, the ac never really worked that well. An excuse, then? Before Sunny could go on thinking about it, the larger of his friends nudges him with an elbow. "You guys get engaged yet? It's been over two years. I swear, you're trying to purposely make me lose the betting pool!"

Sunny shoved him away. "Enough with your betting pool, Pigsy!" He takes a seat for himself. "There's a lot going on, you know! Not the right time for that stuff!"

"Oh, _suuuure!_ " Sunny ignores his laughter and sends Trip a quick text.

'Made it to the guys. They wish you well.'

Trip doesn't text back. Not even a thank you or anything. That was... worrying. The worry must have been clear on his face. "Is everything really okay?" White asks.

"I'm not... I don't know. I think I might get him a frappé before we do anything else."

"I guess that could help if he's sick..." Sandy wears the far off look he always does when he's deep in thought. Sunny sends Trip another text.

'The guys got you one of those fraps you love. I'll bring it back for you before we go do other stuff.'

After a few seconds, he sends another.

'You don't have to drink it right away. I can put it in the fridge for later.'

He doesn't get an answer back. Again. It isn't until he's picking up the frappé and his own coffee that Trip finally sends a text back.

'sorry'

Sunny has all kinds of alarm bells going off in his head. He wants to run back to the apartment. He would if it wouldn't leave the others chasing after the former track star, asking what's going on.

'what are you saying sorry for?'

No answer. No answer until after he's already fast walked a block away from their building.

'sorry'

Pigsy puts on hand on his shoulder. "Bro, what's going on?"

"Don't know. I gotta run ahead!" Sunny sprints off. It might have been years since high school track, but his county wide record has yet to be broken. Little, if any, of his speed and agility is lost to him. He pauses only to text Trip again before entering the apartment building.

'what are you worrying about? what's wrong?'

He doesn't get an answer back. At all. Not as he's leaping up the stairs. Not as he's fumbling to unlock their door. Sunny tries not to sound too panicked when he swings open the door. "Hey, Trip! Where're you at right now?" The practically throws the drinks on the kitchen counter. It's a miracle they weren't dumped somewhere while he raced here. "Just want to check on you one more time before heading out!"

Sunny scrambles about looking for the man. He didn't even bother to close the front door. The others would be coming up anyway. Make it easier for them to get in. "Trip! Sorry if I'm interrupting you napping or something!" He's not napping. Sunny's already checked beds and the couch. The only place left to look is the bathroom, which is looked tight right now. "Are you okay man?" No answer. No answer and Sunny starts to undo the door lock.

What happens next becomes a bit of a blur. He knows what happens, but none of the experience sticks with his memory. Most of it just sticks as words giving a bare bones summary of what's happening. He dying. He's found Trip dying. Someone's screaming. _He's_ screaming. Someone calls and ambulance. He won't let go of Trip. He has to be dragged away. He's sat in a chair and told to try and calm down.

Things don't start to sink in again until Pigsy pushes a cup of coffee into his hands. "You back with us, yet?"

"Getting there." Sunny takes a sip and flinches. It's hot and bitter, but bearable. He mentally goes through everything he knows happened. He should have emptied out that damned cabinet months ago. "Did I break anything?"

"Thankfully not." Pigsy flops down in a chair next to him. "I feel bad now for thinking you were being a bit dramatic running off to the apartment like that."

"How's he..." He trails off. He's almost afraid to ask. Afraid that he'll only get bad news. He doesn't think he can handle any bad news right now.

"Trip's doing better, if that's what you're asking. Not awake, but not..." _Not dying._ That part is left unsaid. It's probably better that way. I'm sure they'll let you see him in a bit."

"Thanks." He takes another sip of his subpar coffee. He should ask for some water after this. Sunny's thankful for the caffine, but the taste left in his mouth is just awful. "Where's White and Sandy?"

"Off to get something for a late lunch/early dinner. We didn't really have a chance to grab lunch before."

"Hm." Sunny didn't say anything else. He couldn't think of anything else to say. All that he could think about was how he could have prevented this. He could have stayed home with Trip. He could have got out that cold medicine himself instead of leaving Trip to go through the medicine cabinet himself. He should have sorted through it like he wanted to last month. He should have said I LOVE YOU before he left! It could have been the last...

"Hey!" Pigsy flicks him in the ear. "Weren't you listening? I said 'Do you want them to pick up anything from the apartment?'"

"Depends on how long they'd let me stay here." Sunny shrugs. "Not sure what the rules for visitors are." His attention is drawn by a nurse calling his name. He immediately prepares to stand up, expecting to hear some kind of news. There isn't exactly news.

"You're Mr. Tang's... _partner_ , yes?"

_I'm his BOYFRIEND if that's what you mean._ Sunny grits his teeth to keep from snapping at man. "Do I get to see him?"

"We were hoping you could answer some questions about Mr. Tang's medical history."

"Can I _see_ him?" He doesn't mean to sound mad at the man. Personal experience instilled a distrust of ER staff, particularly in a situation like this. "Please?"

The nurse just stares for a moment. As if he's surprised to here such request. "He's... not awake yet, but I suppose we could allow it..."

Sunny downs the rest of his coffee and shoves the empty cup at Pigsy. He follows the nurse as calmly as he can. He focuses his mind on something else, like Trip getting better. Gods, it feels like he hasn't seen his boyfriend since he left for the coffee shop, and _he_ was the one who found him! Sunny's tension releases a bit upon stepping in to the hospital room. Even though Trip looks sad in that bed, pale, arms probably freezing bare and above the blanket. He wastes no time pulling up a chair and grabbing on to one of those hands.

"Are you ready now to answer some questions?"

He almost forgot the nurse was even there. "Go ahead. Ask away."

The nurse pulls out a pen to jot things down on the clipboard he's holding. It's the usual questions for something like this. Had he every attempted suicide before? How long since his last attempt? Does he take any prescription medicine? See a therapist? Psychologist? Any history of depression or the like in his family? Anything coming up and having past that could have triggered this? Sunny answered as best he could, but he didn't want to say too much without Trip having a say.

He has some questions of his own. How long will Trip be stuck here? Would the others be allowed to visit, too? How long would they be allowed to stay? Could Sunny stay the night if need be? The nurse, again, stares at him. Why is this guy so surprised that this punk rock looking runner would care from his boyfriend in the emergency room! Seriously!

When questions are done with, Sunny turns his full attention to his boyfriend's hand. It was cold when he first picked it up. It's warming up now, at least. The nurse is still in the room for some reason. The man stands there uncomfortably. "If you're... ready to leave now..." Sunny shoots the man with a nasty glare. He couldn't stop himself from it. _Leave? NOW!?! Like HELL!_ The nurse flinches. He rushes out of the room quickly calling back, "I'll send in your friend!" The door shut slowly on it's own. Now they were alone.

Sunny's eyes start to water. Heavens, he doesn't think he's actually cried throughout all of this. Now seems as good a time as any. "I love you lots, you know?" He says quietly, even though he knows Trip can't hear a word. "I love you lots and lots and more than I think I'll ever have time to say." Sunny rubs at his eyes with his free hand. "Not in a thousand minutes, or a thousand weeks. A thousand years. A thousand **lifetimes**." How is he supposed to do this? Sunny was supposed to protect him! And he failed! Trip could have died!

The moment the door knob moves, he wipes away any visible tears. Pigsy isn't the one to enter, as he would have thought. Instead, it's White who enters the room, carrying that dragon embroidered tote they seem to love so much. "Hey," they say meekly.

"Hey."

The nurse doesn't follow the musician in the room, opting to rush off to who knows where. White doesn't sit down at all. They just stand there by the closed door, staring down. "Is... is this what you meant by there being a lot going on?" Sunny doesn't answer. White takes it to mean confusion. "I mean earlier. When B... Pigsy mentioned the bets for when you two'd get engaged. You said there was too much going on for you to do it."

"Perhaps partly..." Sunny doesn't want to give everything away. Things are complicated. _What if that's why he tried to..._ "Don't want to think about it now..."

"I didn't think he'd ever get this bad." White slowly walks next to where Sunny sits. "He was always so... I mean, back then he used to be..."

"This isn't back then."

"I know! I know." White sighs. "But one thing that hasn't changed since then is how you protect him."

Sunny scoffs. "He could have _died_ , Longma! That's pretty shit protecting on my part."

"But you saved him before he did. Just like..." White sighs again. "I'm not very good at this talking stuff. I'm mainly here to give you some of your shit and tell you what we found." They drop their tote in Sunny's lap. "In fact, I put the thing in there."

Sunny blinks a few times. He's almost scared to ask. "...What did you find?"

White is silent for several moments. They avoid eye contact before speaking. "A note."

He's going to breakdown. He's going to breakdown right where he sits. Sunny leans down buries his face into Trip's arm. That just makes this whole thing worse. He was hoping that this was just an impulsive thing, done in the heat of the moment. The fact that there's a note means there was some thought put behind it. There was some sort of plan and Sunny doesn't know how to take this. White pats him on the back and leaves the room. Probably for the better.

Sunny has no idea what time it is, but he wants to sleep. He doesn't care how badly it could mess up his sleep schedule, or how uncomfortable a sleeping position this is. He just wants to sleep and hopefully wake up to find all of this mostly just a bad dream. Sleep doesn't come easily. At least he manages to keep still enough for everyone to _think_ he's asleep. They have conversations around him, of which Sunny only pays attention to bits and pieces of.

At one point, he just misses whatever explained the nurses behavior earlier. What he doesn't miss is Sandy's snappy reply. "How do you expect him to act?! His boyfriend tried to kill himself in the 20 - 45 minutes he was out! All of which, might I add, he spent _worrying_ about said boyfriend!" It almost made Sunny smile to hear Sandy sass an asshole like that. It isn't long after that he falls mostly asleep. It's a dreamless sleep, which is better than the expected nightmares of being too late. Seriously, he was going to thank every deity in existence that he didn't have nightmares about that.

Sunny wakes up slowly. He didn't try to move at all, in case he could go back to sleep again. Whatever conversation's going on just sounds like soothing background chatter. Plus the fingers running through his hair always puts him in this sort of zen space. Despite his best efforts, Sunny starts to tune in on words from Sandy. "He really _would_ do just about anything for you."

He suddenly sits straight upright. Trip's awake. Trip's _awake_. Before the man can say anything, Sunny hugs him tight and buries his face. He's very aware of the fact he's crying, but he doesn't think he'd hide it if it were noticeable. Trip hugs him back and sputters out, "I'm sorry. I thought it'd... you weren't supposed to-"

" _PLEASE!_ Please don't say-"

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."

The pair stays like that for a while, holding each other and crying out apologies and insisting they're really the one at fault. They would have gone on for longer if not for Sandy clearing his throat, reminding them that they weren't alone here. "I've got to get going. Visiting hours end soon, and I didn't exactly plan on staying over night with you two." They waves good bye to the swimmer, than Trip turned back to his boyfriend.

"You can go home," he says. "You don't need be stuck here, too."

"I can't without you." After a second, Sunny decides to rephrase. "I mean I know for a fact I won't be able to handle it being there alone. I just..." _I can't leave you again._ He doesn't say it out loud, out of fear it'd make Trip feel guilty. Guilt is the last thing Trip needs right now.

"You aren't going to sleep like you were before, are you? That didn't look like a position you'd want to be in all night."

Sunny hums in thought for a moment, eyeing the hospital bed. "I think we could both fit on here."

Trip hardly protests. He scouts over to give plenty of room for his boyfriend to climb in. "Aren't there rules against that?"

"Not like that could stop me." Sunny climbs on and curls up next to him. He wraps an arm around his waist. Trip, in turn, puts his hand over his shoulder. "I wouldn't let them kick me out of here."

"I know you won't..." Trip has the saddest, smallest smile Sunny has ever seen. But at least it's a smile. "God, I was stupid."

"Everyone's stupid sometimes." They don't need to talk about this all now. Trip will start crying if he goes on.

"I... I didn't think..." He grips tightly to Sunny's sleeve. "Just... Just _really_ stupid." Trip buries his face into his boyfriend's shoulder. and sighs. Sunny squirms a bit to reach his other arm around him. He recalls another time, years ago, in a different hospital, different _state_. A time when his mind was dark and he decided emergency room staff were the WORST at helping with that. A time Sun hasn't really talked about much. Maybe it's about time he did.


End file.
